“The Price of Progress”
A.k.a.
“Spaceships, Cyberbabes, and Silver Spray Paint.”
Cast: The Professor, Pirx the pilot, Theodora and Mme Bouviour.
Special guest appearance by Gillian Anderson as L07 the Dexos Cyber-Chick. A.K.A. 'Cruel Evil Dexos Villainess.'
Having left Pirx the Pilot in the Tardis for a while last episode, the Professor wants to know if he’s been fiddling with the controls. Pirx assures him that everything is as they left it. Relieved, the Professor dematerialises, and heads for a nice therapeutic place where he can shoot things.
They rematerialise on the forward view-deck of a plush space-station, Outside the synthi-glass window is a panoramic view of a busy spaceport. Looking the other way a huge array of aliens can be seen. Fishoids, Felines, crocodilians, furry things, methane breathers, hive minds, the whole spectrum.
Pirx looks apologetic for an instant then rushes for his spotters guide to interplanetary vehicles and his I-spy book of spaceships.
The Tardis has landed on a vast space station, It is a way-station for a number of planets, Several of these are a little too close to comfort to a star soon to go nova. A number of aliens are being evacuated to safer planets, and somewhere where they can get a good view.
On the forward observation deck, hundreds of aliens are all wandering around, ordering drinks, talking, swapping stories, and watching the hustle and bustle of the busy spaceways on the other side of the synthi-glass. Mme Bouviour is taken aback. In fact she is so taken aback, that she faints dead away when a moth-like creature addresses her. After a few minutes she has taken her aback back, and faints again. After some careful loosening of clothing she too can gaze at the wonders of space, and the creatures of the spaceways.
Later on she is found with some humanoid children swapping trinkets for the latest in space-age trading cards. This game is known as Monopok ™ and appears to the layman as fiendishly complex. Only the true Monopok™ elite know that it is not only complex but completely baffling even to the finest brains. Theodora looks in on a game and cannot figure it out. That is complex! Anyway, the beauty of the game is not in the playing, not even in the spectating, but in the mega-credit franchising, and marketing opportunities that will net the inventors the equivalent gross financial product of several galaxies. –They’ll probably have to buy a solar system just for keeping the money in.
Meanwhile, a few overheard conversations later, and some blunt questioning too, the crew begin to hear rumours about one of the outer sectors of the system, where ships have been going missing, many presumed lost or destroyed. Just then a scout ship swoops by, making everyone jump, and Pirx gets excited writing down all the details, and even has to go onto a separate page! He correctly identifies the ship as a Dexos scout ship, and remembers that the Dexos are a war-like cybernetically enhanced humanoid race. Soon after Pirx has finished the second page of notes, another ship in the sector is reported missing. Suddenly no-one wants to pilot any ships out of the system, so of course Pirx and his companions sign up to the first freighter out of there.
Due to the nervousness of the other pilots, there are loads of vacancies for crews to pilot freighters out of the system. Pirx easily secures a job as captain, and the others manage to fill all the senior posts too. Their freighter is due to depart within a couple of hours, and so they have another drink, and Micro-jump the Tardis right onto the bridge of the freighter. They disguise it as the captain’s chair (size XXXXL) and depart.
Once they are clear of the space station, they head straight for the danger area, hoping to be attacked by any pirate Dexos ships. This doesn’t happen however, but another freighter, further along the flight path is attacked, and the crew valiantly come to their rescue. After a bit of nifty flying, the pursuit ships break off their attack, and the crew manage to send a mayday to the Space Navy, who are not far behind. They microjump onto the Dexos flagship, and straight into trouble.
The Dexos are no fools, and Teleport the Tardis into the brig. They demand that the crew surrender. Theodora manages to hide in her room, and after the Dexos threats come to naught , the cyborgs teleport the rest of the crew out, and into the brig across the way. The Dexos cyborgs cannot get anything out of the Professor and his companions, so the Dexos decide to drug them. When they come around, they have had limiters placed on the sides of their heads, which suppresses their mental capacities (not much change there then!) –The limiters look almost but not quite entirely like hearing aids - sprayed silver. The companions are wondering where all the BBC budget went on this episode when the Dexos Leader, an attractive cyborg called L07, (played by Gillian Anderson) walks in and starts ordering them about, and sizes them up for conversion to mindless cyborg slaves.
With the mental link established it only takes a few nanoseconds to download the Tardis crew’s brains onto a single data slug – (all of six inches of punched paper tape, -sprayed silver)
The Professor decides to use an old Jedi mind control technique, and bypass the effects of the limiter. With one mighty mental leap, he is free, and manages to disable the other limiters. The next problem is rescuing the Tardis from the brig next door. With a brainwave, the Professor decides to reverse the polarity and amplify the limiter’s signal, He does this and nearly blows his hand off in the process. With another try, he manages to key into the Tardis’ semi-sentient matrix, and will the time machine to him. The Tardis dematerialises, and doesn’t appear. Frustrated, the Professor tries again, and manages to jump the Tardis even further away in time and space.
Meanwhile the others are sick to death of the space-weed that they have been fed. Space-weed is highly nutritious, but smells awful, and is scraped from the holds of space-ships. Fed up of small helpings, the others electrocute the guard as he delivers the next course. With a little sabotage, they free themselves, and run out into the corridor, and up into an electrical conduit.
Theodora emerges from the Tardis and into an experiment. The Dexos crew have managed to capture a Cyberman Cyberleader, and are also downloading his cyberbrain this time onto a 1,000TB compressed hard disk –sprayed silver.
They are also probing him and plugging him into several test computers, all with blinking lights, and strange alien displays. As the Dexos leave to get a cup of space weed tea, Theodora decides to start corrupting the data coming from the Cyberleader's brain (installs Windows?) and swap leads and probes over. As she leans over the console, the cyberleader slowly lifts one arm, and starts sitting up…..
[End of Part 1]
The next paragraph is for those who have forgotten what happened at the end of last week’s episode….
As the Dexos leave to get a cup of space weed tea Theodora decides to start corrupting the data coming from the Cyberleader's brain (installs Windows?) and swap leads and probes over. As she leans over the console, the cyberleader slowly lifts one arm and sits up….
Did you spot the continuity error?
Theodora decides that that is enough scrambling cyberleader's brains and turns to leave. She runs straight into L07 who has come to find out how the experiments are going, and to discover he secrets of the Cybermen so that the Dexos cyborgs can overcome their cyber –enemies.
L07 threatens Theodora with assimilation, , Theodora shuffles nearer the door, and the enraged Cyberleader threatens all of them. In the ensuing chaos Theodora manages to squirm out of the door. Hearing the sound of gunfire, she heads for the others, who are quickly despatching some of the guards. Mme Bouviour seems to have got the hang of the recoilless pistol she was asked to hold, and has completely wasted two Dexos security guards. She then flees back into a conduit, accidentally knocking a fibre-optic plug out of its socket. As she turns to put it back, several more get caught up in her limbs, and come unplugged. Within seconds, all the conduit is filled with plugs and sockets and cables, in a real spaghetti mess, while Mme Bouviour tries to put them all back in the right sockets. This has the unfortunate effect of playing havoc with a lot of systems on board ship, including activating the self destruct. The associated “Awoogas” sound ominously.
Meanwhile, the Cyberleader is trying to communicate with the Cyberman fleet to come to his aid. The Tardis crew manage to persuade L07 that teamwork against the Cybermen is the only way of ridding the galaxy of their evil presence. L07 reluctantly agrees. Theodora manages to sort the wiring out enough to open the door to the comms room, and the Cyberleader inside greets them with sneering contempt for their puny human bodies. Their puny human bodies open up with everything they’ve got, and the Cyberleader explodes in a shower of sparking shrapnel.
L07 is still wary, but Theodora shows her how to create a virulent computer virus which L07 and her crew can use to combat the Cybermen. (Windows Monopok ™?) L07 agrees not to kidnap any more humans to turn into Dexos warriors, and the two parties part in peace.
The Professor leads them back to the Tardis, thankful that he’s shot some things, and leads them off to another adventure….